If not, leave him for me
by BlackEyedGirl
Summary: Rufus had asked her to stop a wedding, so it is probably her turn for a grand gesture. She calls." Rufus/Lily, post S1 of the TV series.


**Title:** If not, leave him for me  
**Fandom:** Gossip Girl (TV)  
**Pairing:** Rufus/Lily  
**Rating:** R  
**Length:** 1,600 words  
**Disclaimer:** All belongs to Josh Schwartz and the CW  
**Spoilers:** All of Season 1, set sometime afterwards  
**Summary:** _Rufus had asked her to stop a wedding, so it is probably her turn for a grand gesture. She calls._ Prompt was 'date', section three originally for Porn Battle VI on Livejournal.

* * *

Her divorce has been official for two months by the time she works up the courage to call him. It didn't used to be – shouldn't be – this hard, with Serena and Dan swung back to an on-again stage. But he doesn't visit, and there are fewer crises this time around, so she has no excuse to simply call at the loft.

It's fair, Lily decides, that she has to make the effort now. Neither being married to Bart, nor divorcing him, had been difficult. And Rufus had asked her to stop a wedding, so it is probably her turn for a grand gesture. She calls.

"Hello?"

There is a long moment when she cannot remember what she planned to say. "Rufus," seems easiest.

"Lily?"

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Hi."

He laughs, just a little. "Lily? Did you call for…? Or did you _really_ just want to say 'hi'?"

"The second thing, mostly."

"Okay." Now he pauses. "So. You're divorced."

"Yes."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Lily." A much longer pause, then a rush of sound. He has always been a hasty decision maker. "Go on a date with me."

"I'm sorry?"

"A date. With me."

"A date."

"Yes. It's been… it's been a long time, Lil. And we've never just been… Do this for me."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

Three days later, and she is putting on her jewellery while her pulse flutters under her fingers. Nineteen again, all nerves and fever. Lily looks into the mirror and pulls the unfamiliar anxious expression back into normality.

The outfit isn't especially striking, but that's the intention this time. Dan had come to talk to her yesterday. He's a good boy. She had known that even when his father had been infuriating her. Like Rufus, he talks too much when he's nervous, too quickly and aimed at the ground, all sharp self-deprecation. Apparently she and Rufus are to learn from their children's experience about the perils of first dates in expensive restaurants. Dan had smiled at her, a little shy, and explained. And checked she was okay with that. And then checked again.

At the restaurant, Lily inspects her reflection in the glass again. If Dan knew some of the places she and his father had been, he wouldn't be so worried about little bistros.

She sees Rufus across the floor. He's looking at the menu, tapping one finger apprehensively on the table. His eye is caught by something outside the window, and his head turns from her. Lily's hands itch for her camera, to capture that profile: the curl of his hair over his ear, brown eyes a moment from laughter, the creep of stubble up his cheek. He turns back around, and spots her. He smiles. No, she thinks, _that's_ the photo.

* * *

Rufus still hasn't quite figured out the dating thing. Waiting for Lily, he considers that even disregarding the fact that she's the love of his life, it's convenient her marriage ended so fast. She's one of only two women in the world he knows how to be with. She arrives, and he forgets all of that. This is Lily. Nothing about her is convenient or simple or comfortable. He just loves her like no one else in the world.

She smiles at him, and sits down. "Rufus." Her voice makes music of his name, and he wants to figure out a way to write it down.

He dips his head in her direction. "Lily."

"So. This is a date."

"Yeah." She's nervous, like she was on the phone, and it makes things easier. He passes her a menu, letting their hands brush. She catches the ends of his fingers under her own, surprising a grin from him.

"Hey," he says.

"Hi."

Over bruschetta, he mentions that Jenny is at a sleepover. When the coffee arrives, Lily observes that Dan and Serena are both 'out'. They have a moment of concerned parental bonding over the way neither of them are entirely sure what that entails. Rufus smiles at her again, when the candles burn low and the waitress loiters alongside the table impatiently. Somehow, miraculously, she follows him home.

* * *

Rufus kisses the empty spot on Lily's finger where four other men have settled wedding rings. She frowns, but it only makes him laugh. When he does it again, she slides the finger into his mouth and there's never been anything sexier than the little moan she makes when he obliges her by sucking on it.

Lily's shirt makes a golden pool on the floor when he pushes it off her shoulders to join her pants. Rufus pauses. He goes where she isn't expecting – reaching for her wrist to unfasten the delicate chain. It's the reverse of the motion he made the last time these fine bones shifted under his hand, and they're moving in the right direction at last. He searches out each point she had dabbed scent onto before meeting him tonight: this wrist, and the other, behind her ears, and that soft dip between her breasts. She shivers.

"Rufus."

"Hmm? Oh, right."

"Yeah." She smiles, and tugs at the edge of his shirt. "Unless all you wanted to do was look."

Looking is nice – underrated, and missed almost as much as this next part. Lily leans up on her elbows to kiss him, pressing her breasts against his now-bare skin. She laughs, quiet and fondly amused. "Back with me?"

Rufus uses his weight to push her back against the pillows. "Never been anywhere else."

She takes his hand, touching where his own ring sat, not so long ago. "It's all right."

"Yeah."

Her underwear matches: black, with little red roses. He only notices as he pushes it off the bed, thankful that his own was at least respectable looking. Rufus hadn't exactly been planning this far ahead, not tonight. She, however… "Lily," he asks, grinning, "did you expect to get-"

She cuts him off with a squeal. "Rufus!"

"Because if I had known…"

"You would have what? Tidied up a little? Tripping over your laundry on the way in isn't exactly erotic."

"As I recall, we've waded through worse to get to a flat surface. And a few less than flat ones."

"Yes, well, we're not those people anymore."

"No." Rufus kisses her. She keeps her eyes open for a moment, which she has never done before. It takes him aback – this is only the second time they have done this in a twenty-year span. He ought to be paying more attention to the differences, relearning all of her by heart. Lily groans, frustrated, into his mouth. He grinds down, sharp and unplanned.

"Rufus," she mutters, "God, Rufus."

"Right here."

She ends up being the one who's carrying condoms, and he would make another joke if he weren't so relieved that _someone_ has them. When he is back above her, her hands slide to his chest, then up and around his neck. She pulls him in for another kiss, and slips her hands down again; he feels the press of her nails lightly against his waist. "Okay?" he asks, waiting for her nod.

He pushes down and in; she curves up towards him. Her eyes are open again, lips parted in a wordless cry. Lily is looking straight at him while he whispers every foolish thing that ever crossed his mind about love and her and forever. She turns her head away, and he freezes. She kisses his wrist where it tangles in her hair. "Rufus," she says. "Yes."

* * *

Lily wakes to find Rufus's arm flung over her side. She traces the tattoo there absently, waiting as the sunlight crosses the room and warms the sprawl of their legs. Rufus stirs. His smile is small and strangely hesitant when she turns to face him. But then this is her turn for effort. Lily touches his cheek, pushing hair behind his ear before kissing him good morning. His second smile is blinding.

She hears the noise, but he has heard it first. He colours. "It seems the kids are back."

"Yes. I thought you said-"

"They told me they'd be-"

Lily sighs. She can feel Rufus shrug. He kisses her shoulder, and slides out of the bed. He pulls on sweats and a t-shirt and says, "I'll see if I can find you something to wear."

When he opens the door, the voices reconcile themselves into two boys and two girls. If she didn't know better, Lily would suspect Rufus had planned this.

Serena's hand pokes through the door, waving an overnight bag like a white flag. "Mom? I brought you some clothes. If you want…?"

Lily accepts them without speaking. She dresses to the accompaniment of the coffee machine being turned on, and plates and cutlery clattered onto a table. Presentable, mostly, she opens the door. Rufus has his back to her, but the kids all try to say hello at once.

Rufus laughs. "Apparently Eric offered to help Jenny with a school project this morning, which they had left in her room." He turns to offer her one of the mugs of coffee.

She glares at Rufus. "And the other two?"

Dan stumbles through an explanation while Serena giggles and hides her face in his shoulder.

Lily sighs, and walks around the breakfast bar to rest her head on Rufus's shoulder. "I suppose I've had worse mornings after."

"Even with me?"

"Especially with you." Rufus pretends offence, but wraps his arm affectionately around her waist. He uses both hands to push her hair back, and holds her head steady to kiss her. The kids sputter, and Rufus laughs against her mouth. The noises blend together. Lily can't help it – she pulls back to lean her forehead against his, and then she laughs too.

* * *

FIN. Feedback always lovely.


End file.
